dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
