my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
