Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
