You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Someone came in the potted fern
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
