I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
