I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
