i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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