My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
