I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
