guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
