i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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