You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
