I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
