Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
