I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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