wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
