Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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