I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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