And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
operation harelip BJ is a go
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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