another moral hangover. fuck.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
