so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
