Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
