it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
