and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My bed smells like the plague
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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