Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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