I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
