i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
it was like eating out sand paper
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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