I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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