guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I had to cum in my sink.
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