Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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