Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
