This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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