I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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