i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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