I need to stop coming to work sober
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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