my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
