Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
