So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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