never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
