i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
