he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
