why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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