why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
