Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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