i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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