I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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