She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
