it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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