There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
