member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
