Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
