I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
