I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
