Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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