remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Blood and glitter go together right?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
