I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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