Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I looked at my own cervix.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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