sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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