Where are you?
In a non slutty way
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
