I think my vagina is haunted
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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