I'm so fucking centered right now
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
