she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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