so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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