You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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