Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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