All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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