Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize