How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
