nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Randomize
