spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
