so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
