I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
