I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize